Thursday, December 13, 2012

I'm in a Funk

Last time I talked to you I was super optimistic about making up our days of Christmas plan. I wrote a couple ideas down and that's as far as I've gotten. So here's a question I've been asking myself lately (and not coming up with much, I'll now pose it to you.) What do you do when you've had your allotted PMS time, and the hormones are supposed to be taking you up (rosy glasses time) but you're still feeling...how can I put it...blahh-aurgh-pshh! 

I was discussing my sleepiness and lack of motivation with a friend and she suggested it could be Seasonal Depressive Disorder. By the way, if you're tempted to use the abbreviation, don't. People always think I've said STD and I end up having to explain. Those outside our conversation still think I have an STD, which I'd normally find hilarious, but right now I'm just too tired. 

Since before Thanksgiving, I've been moaning to Brian about wanting to be on vacation. Wanting to watch episodes of New Girl all afternoon. Fantasizing about sleeping and sleeping. Thanks to Brian's masters class and some major stressing, Thanksgiving was not all that. I'm holding out hope for Christmas break but it seems SO FAR away. Like, a whole week! I needed this yesterday


So what does one do, when one has had as much grace as one typically allows oneself, and finds oneself still dilapidated? Well, yesterday I tried feeling badly about this unaccomplished version of myself. I didn't teach the kids. I didn't do the free-lance work I'd said I must do. I didn't put my clothes away when I changed for bed. Just added them to the pile that I'm trying not to look at while I type this. I know humans are wonderful and have value separate from their rate of production, but would someone tell my soul? Because I feel cruddy when I think I'm slacking. 

Based on recent events, it would seem I'm burnt-out, or soul-sick. The stress is wearing me down and apparently my power-through cure isn't working. That annoys me, but maybe I can get over what I wish would work and start doing what does work. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep extending grace to myself, even though I'm tired of needing it. If it means my Christmas letter is late, if it means my house falls apart, I'm going to have mercy. On me. If I was puking, I'd have to stop. So I'm going to pretend I'm puking. Christmas break will begin a week before Christmas this year, so I won't be teaching a blasted thing. Formally. We'll eat popcorn and watch movies as needed. I will nap daily. I will stay in my pjs all day one day, unless I gross myself out, and then I'll put on sweatpants. With any luck, I'll have my mojo back in time for Christmas. Unless it is STD. I mean SDD. 

P.S. I found out after writing this that it's actually Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which is not as funny but clever. 

3 comments:

  1. Classic funk, alright. I'm seeing a lot of PJ wear these days too! It'll pass...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I tend to get the SAD's every winter too. December usually wears me out. Maybe that's why I start Christmas so early (beginning of November), I'm trying to make sure I don't lose steam. I'm about done now, no more steam. After our work Christmas party I let my shoulders down and realized they ached so bad I wanted to cry. I must have been tensing them for two days while we rushed around finishing things for the party. I've also been working on allowing myself to just NOT clean the house on fridays when I need the break. Not cooking for a week straight, wearing jeans to work when I am not supposed to, and letting my e-mail and blog reader build up. Because really, no one sees those things but me (well, except the jeans).

    P.S. my closet looks like a tornado! Havn't hung anything up since you lovelies were here last Saturday. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for sharing Taumi! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who peeters out before my self-appointed finish line. And the clothing. Btw-loved being in your home with all those amazing women. A super special memory of this holiday season stashed away already! :)

    ReplyDelete