Saturday, December 15, 2012

Resting On

Today's Sabbath and the day we go to church (a.k.a. not restful). I thought of staying home to keep giving myself extra rest, but I couldn't miss my study group, so I went to that. Then, thanks to my husband being willing, I ducked out of the traditional, sit and listen quietly to the sermon part. Last week, my body was begging me for a bed about that time anyway, so today I came home, put my pjs on and snuggled in. 

Crazy, right? Feels kind of like playing hooky, but kind of like doing the right thing for me. Which between me and God, is okay. I'll admit I start to wonder, "What would people think?" but I ultimately don't care. So I will rest on. 

My mind flits frequently to the people who're missing their loved ones shot yesterday. Shot. It makes my insides quake. And because I can't offer myself to them and feel so helpless and far away, I pray. But then I wonder at the prayers of so many of us and how no matter how we pray, this will not go easy. I guess we're not praying for easy. Survival, salvation, coping, but not easy. 

I find words difficult when pain runs deep. I think that's why people send flowers - something beautiful to comfort us that something is still the way it should be and that one day, everything'll be put right. I can't send flowers and I doubt they'll ever know about this either, but these songs are my prayers for them. Beauty that speaks of hope and love and light for people who find themselves in pitchy black. If that's you, I'm praying this for you too.

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