Friday, February 27, 2015

Good Enough

My kitchen post is half written, but I need to do some truth telling for a minute. This getting better gig keeps getting more complicated so I keep trying to rise to the challenge and then it gets more complicated. Hence the roller coaster I've captured for you (photo booth style) to the right. As more "jobs" get added to my list of things that'll help me get better, I'm always missing something. I refocus on bedtime and realize I haven't been remembering my protein/greens shakes. I get the shakes going again and realize that the flossing habit has dropped off. I try to reinstate flossing and notice I'm missing my noon supplements when I get busy. It's a frustrating dance of noticing, trying to stay out of judgement ("I'm FAILING at this!!") and finding the stamina to regroup in whatever area I've neglected. 

It feels like juggling and most days, I'm tempted to say, "It's TOO many BALLS!" I'm obsessed with simple and I'm just realizing it may be because simple seems "handle-able." I've always tried to keep my life simple enough that I'm able to succeed in everything I'm attempting. It's just not that way now. Apparently, I can't juggle this many things without constantly dropping one. Which means these getting better duties will be in constant rotation. While I won't be doing all the things all the time, it's still my best and it's good enough.

It's good enough.

It's good enough.

It's actually pretty incredible compared to what I did to take care of myself six months ago. This healing process is prying my fingers off my obsession with a perfect record and teaching me the value of effort. What is it like to "fail" this often and this measurably and continue to refuse to berate myself. This is what I imagine it's like to go from a half marathon to a full. I haven't cultivated this kind of emotional endurance. I haven't had to. So this big, patient lifestyle I'm getting introduced to? I believe it'll make my whole life better, not just my health. Still, I've gotta say, it's like walking with a dog that keeps biting you in the butt. He's driving you nuts and seems like he'll never run out of energy, but you're determined to outwalk him. (Him being my adrenal fatigue and my conditional self-love.) 

One day, I'll feel so much better, I'll KNOW my efforts were good enough. For now, it's a faith thing. Do you have a challenge that's making you better but feeling like torture? I hope you take a little break this weekend to have some fun. Fun fuels us. (Neh. 8:10) So go have some!

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