Wednesday, January 2, 2019

New Year: Celebration Over Goal-Setting

Happy New Year, friends!

My first thoughts on the new year were, "Peace out, 2018," because it's been a doozy, but when I looked at my best nine collage on Instagram, I realized the hard years have THE MOST to celebrate. Survival for one.  

As usual, I'm not into setting goals for 2019 (let's be real, I always have plans and things in the works), but I would like to take a few moments to acknowledge the parts of 2018 I feel proud of. 

1. I started a prayer meeting aimed at nourishing God-followers on their journey. 
I've got big dreams for church and how I'd like to see it grow and reshape in my lifetime for the benefit of my kids and the folks it's actively hurting. I feel a glass ceiling effect with what my church offers, needing more of this or that and not finding it offered. So this has been my way of making change in my corner. It's been empowering and satisfying and shown me I'm not alone.

2. I began a daily meditation practice in September. 
I've wanted to get still and know God is God for a long time, but not known how. My mind races. I don't know how to sit at Jesus' feet and just be with him. To learn how to do this, I've used the app Headspace and it's been a game-changer. Meditation has made me a better human, but I'll go into that more later. 

I would say my desperate need for things to get better fueled this attempt. I've lived with fatigue for a long time now and the addition of selling our house and moving last winter was more than my body could take in stride. A couple more stressors and I was the most fatigued I've ever been. I couldn't get out of bed in the morning and was late to work regularly. I would sit up in bed (so I couldn't fall asleep) and fall asleep sitting up. But this is when I started meditating. Desperation isn't all bad.

3. I survived Brian's illness.
As soon as we were beginning to get settled in our new home, Brian became severely anemic. He was bleeding internally and did a lot of testing to find out why. It was a frightening process, especially before they ruled out blood cancers. We got through even though neither of us had any energy, largely because friends swooped in to help with yard work and meals. 

4. I got help.
Desperation made me reach out and try (again) to find someone who could help me make a comeback health-wise. I've spent so much money and energy in this direction, often without a return, so this is like pulling teeth. Teeth that aren't loose. But you guys, I found a kinesthesiologist who's been able to help me! She tells me which supplements to take (specific to my body) so I can heal. I still can't believe she knows what's going on with me. 

5. I faithed.
Faith is taking the damn supplements when nothing seems to be changing and it's never helped before, but you believe God wants you to be well. It's telling yourself it will be okay that you can't get to work on time or yoga at all and believing the sun will come out again. Faith is also when you have a blessed day in the middle.  When you FEEL the belief taking hold of you and putting wind in your sails. You gasp your lungs full because the next day is sure to be hard, but with that glimpse of what's possible you can hang on by your faith fingernails. 

6. I got healthier.
In October, I realized I had the energy to dream of the prayer meeting AND try doing it. I've been able to get to yoga three times a week for MONTHS. I'm back to how I felt before we had to move and I'm excited to keep healing.

7. We took a vacation.
With Brian's surgery looming, we took the vacation we'd planned on even though the money we'd saved for it had to go toward other things. I learned somewhere that spending more than you make is the cardinal sin, so this was not easy. But we drove to the ocean and played in the sea and saw friends and it healed us. 


Those are the things I'm most proud of and looking back gives me great hope for the future. If you need a little gumption to take into 2019, maybe spend some time celebrating. And take the time to tell a friend. The best thing about any new year is we don't have to do it alone.

You triumphed over 2018. 

And here is 2019, just waiting for us to create it. 

I love you. 

All the years. 







  


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